I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
