No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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