What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
