Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The feeling are messing with the penis
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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