waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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