I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
