I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize