Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
