i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
