if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
