My friends, they love my intelligence
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
