Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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