So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
