i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
