i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
