Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
