At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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