i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
