Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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