I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
