her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
