If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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