Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
