What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
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he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
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Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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