Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
