Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
