i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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