I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
