i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
