please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
