Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
