i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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