and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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