You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
