Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
