Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont lie about slip and slides
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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