her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
