Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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