can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
