I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
