Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Is it because I queefed?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
