Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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