Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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