That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
