I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
