Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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