dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
