Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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