What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
