dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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