drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
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Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
tell me about the eggs
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