i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
