I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
