Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
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Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Randomize