I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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