I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
