About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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