Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
