I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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