Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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