Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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