My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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