No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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