Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
