I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
