You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
