She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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