I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
