Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
