I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
