Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
