I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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