Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
