he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
